CircleWork Tools

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Tools for Circle Consciousness

   The following offers a glimpse of some of Havayah's central tools for communication, interpersonal dynamics, therapeutic group work and personal growth. They are all culled from the two enigmatic verses that describe Miriam leading the Israelite women in song and dance at the splitting of the Sea of Reeds. We call these verses "Miriam's Code" because they encode the essence of the principles that we utilize in Havayah groups.

These tools are built from a unique synthesis of Torah and psychology. They guide us in how to communicate with "circle consciousness"; a sensitive, enlightened and enlightening manner of interaction.

At the core of the idea of circle consciousness is the interpretation of Miriam's song from the Hassidic commentator the Meor V'Shemesh. Basing his writings on Kabbalistic principles, he points out that Miriam and the women were in a higher state of consciousness than Moshe, history's greatest prophet. (See the file above - circledance.pdf - from Sarah Yehudit Schneider - for a full description of the Meor V'Shemesh's perspective and its Kabbalistic underpinings. Abunant thanks to Sarah Yehudit for making these important sources readily available!)

First the verses:

כ  וַתִּקַּח מִרְיָם הַנְּבִיאָה אֲחוֹת אַהֲרֹן, אֶת-הַתֹּף--בְּיָדָהּ; וַתֵּצֶאןָ כָל-הַנָּשִׁים אַחֲרֶיהָ, בְּתֻפִּים וּבִמְחֹלֹת.

20 And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with circle dances.

כא  וַתַּעַן לָהֶם, מִרְיָם: שִׁירוּ לַיהוָה כִּי-גָאֹה גָּאָה, סוּס וְרֹכְבוֹ רָמָה בַיָּם. {ס}

21 And Miriam answered them: Sing to the LORD, for He is highly exalted: the horse and his rider He has thrown into the sea.

The Tools:

PRESENT TENSE – Miriam’s song is in present tense. The Meor V’shemesh says in his commentary that this is one reason Miriam’s song represents a higher state of consciousness than Moshe’s future orientated song. One talking tip for staying present: Speak for yourself. Notice any tendencies to make statements that are impersonal and generic rather than personal and specific. We often will insert the word ‘you’ or ‘people’ instead of ‘I’. This simple difference creates a distancing/removal of self. For example, a common generalization might be, “People get defensive when they get constructive criticism.” The invitation would be to say, “I get defensive when I get constructive criticism.” Notice the felt difference between each statement.
EQUALITY – Circles are non-hierarchical. Everyone is equidistant from the center. This is the second point that the Meor V’shemesh mentions as proof that Miriam’s song was on a higher level of consciousness than Moshe’s. In the circle, everyone is equal.
1. When responding to another use “I feel statements”. You and you alone are the expert on what you feel. Not “I feel THAT you do x”…but rather, “I feel x (insert an emotion) when you do y.”
2. No advice giving – Don’t ‘should’ all over the other person! If you do have an insight to share or if advice is solicited, offer it from a place of “in my experience”. When you give advice you use your strength to suggest how someone should direct themselves. When you reflect and question another, you allow that person to connect with their own strength.
3. Socratic Method - Curiosity is key. If there is an insight that you want to share, ask a question that leads the other to come up with it on their own. Or say it in a way that doesn’t presume that it’s true.
4. Egalitarian Tools/Formulas: “I’m curious about…” “What I’m hearing is x…is that right?” “How does that sit with you?” “I wanted to check this out with you.” “What I was hearing underneath that is x…I’m curious if that was just my own thinking or whether that might be relevant to you…”
5. Check back with the speaker to see how what you’re saying sits with them.
SUPPORTIVE – The circle is essentially a supportive figure. The circle holds. The circular letter samech shares its root with ‘somech’, supported. Strive to maintain an attitude of empathy, warmth & unconditional positive regard.
GROUP-ORIENTED – Miriam and the women were able to access a higher state of consciousness than history's greatest prophet, Moshe. Why? One of the ways was through the simple fact that they were in group formation. There is a power inherent in group context that is beyond what one can reach on his/her own. Much of the content we will focus on together is called 'process commentary'. It is related to inner-group dynamics and the revelations that can only come from working in a group. As much as possible, try to bring your comments back to 'process commentary', noting what the group dynamic is around a given topic.
BODY-CENTERED – Another aspect that allowed Miriam and the women to have such heightened consciousness was the fact that they were dancing. Their revelation was not just intellectual, but fully embodied. Listen to the wisdom of your body and what it has to teach. Remember to breathe. And notice your somatic reactions to what people (including yourself) say.
CONCISE - When sharing, try to be terse, concise. Moshe’s Song at the Sea is 19 verses…Miriams is one verse, 9 words long. Avoid unnecessary details.
MIRRORING – Miriam’s song simply repeats that which Moshe had just sung. She ‘mirrors’ what he said. Reflective listening is a powerful tool of circle consciousness.
1. Formula: “What I hear you saying is x.” Or, “Can I reflect back to you what I heard you say?”
2. Summarizing & Deepening
3. Mirror back with the same energy level and intonation
RESPONSIVE – “And Miriam answered them…” Be responsive, communicative, interactive, take the risk of responding to what someone else says. Growth happens through the care of responsiveness.
DEPTH – Aim for depth not breadth. The line goes somewhere, covers ground, has breadth. The circles job is to simply circle, sinking deeper in with each revolution. Stay with what is happening within the group/circle. Try to avoid turning to outside material, this includes sharing Torahs/teachings. This is another place where ‘Process Commentary’ comes in handy.
EMUNA - Have faith in the process. The women brought their drums out of Egypt with them because they had faith that they would have cause to celebrate. When you come to a place of doubt in the process, remember that this is part of the unfolding of G-d’s plan. The work will prove itself if you stick with it.
CREATIVITY – Note that omanut/creativity has the same root as emunah/faith. The women danced, played drums, sang, channeled. Be creative/expressive/bold. Often we will use expressive arts within the group to focus and go deeper with a given issue.
ANAVUT/Humility – Miriam was an anava. She went after Moshe. She didn’t push in front of Moshe, nor did she silence herself. She waited, and when it was her time to sing, she sang! Anavut is about occupying the space that is yours. Hold the mantra of “No more than my space, no less than my place.” It is not humble to seep over into another’s space. Nor is it humble to shrink away from your rightful place. Know what is your appropriate ‘size’ in the group. Always remember that the circle would be incomplete without you. Recall humble Hillel’s famous phrase as he circle danced at Simchat Beit Hashoeva, “If I’m here, all is here.” If you are present and fill out your rightful space, others will be able to do the same. Strive to strike the right balance...not too big, not too small.
INCLUSIVITY – “kol hanashim” - ALL the women went out with her. Circle consciousness creates an environment of inclusivity. If someone in the group is looking alienated, have the guts and caring to ask them why. If you yourself are feeling alienated, think about why & have the guts and caring to share it. Ask yourself what can I do to partake in the group more or facilitate someone else’s participation?
CHALLENGING MATERIAL – In the little that Miriam does sing is included the fact that “horse and rider He threw into sea”. Her terse description includes the darker truth of the triumph - that it entailed death. In our politically correct world, one might be uncomfortable with such bluntness about the necessary costs of a politico-spiritual triumph. She does not shy away from these harsher facts but recognizes them. In circle consciousness one of our main goals is to speak to the truth of our interactions and our perceptions of each other – even and especially when it is challenging. Our hope is to find the most productive and authentic way to talk about the darker material. When we are able to address the sometimes harsher truths in a loving way it paradoxically creates more light and more intimacy.
AND, not BUT – So, here is a tool to touch on those darker truths. - Notice how both of the 2 verses above begin with a vav. Moshe’s song on the other hand begins with an aleph. The vav can either mean ‘and’ or ‘but’…here they clearly mean ‘and’. Whenever you are tempted to say ‘but’, remember the dual meaning of the vav and retrain yourself to say ‘and’ instead. It is a practice in holding paradox. It generates much less defensiveness in the listener & creates more openness to receiving what you have to share. (For example, “I feel really interested in what you’re saying, AND when you say it in a quiet muffled voice I have a hard time listening and concentrating on your words.”) The circle offers an invaluable opportunity to share & receive constructive criticism. The key is to share it in a way that the listener can best receive and benefit from it.
NAME, YEUD and EDAH – “Miriam haneviya, ahot aharon.” This is the first time that Miriam’s name appears in the Torah. Being in the circle allowed for the fullness of her being, her name, to be actualized. This ‘nameness’ is connected to her calling in the world, her role as neviyah/prophetess. It is also connected to her relationships (Aaron's sister). Circle is about expressing one’s fullest being, manifesting one’s yeud/calling. It happens through relationship. Yeud through edut. Plus it happens through being ahot, sisters.

Fostering a sense of sisterhood that allows us to actualize our calling is at the core of our work together.