
circledance.pdf | |
File Size: | 144 kb |
File Type: |
Tools for Circle Consciousness

The following offers a glimpse of some of our central tools for communication, interpersonal dynamics, therapeutic group work and personal growth. They are all culled from the two enigmatic verses that describe Miriam leading the Israelite women in song and dance at the splitting of the Sea of Reeds. We call these verses "Miriam's Code" because they encode the essence of the principles that we utilize in these groups.
These tools are built from a unique synthesis of Torah and psychology. They guide us in how to communicate with "circle consciousness"; a sensitive, enlightened and enlightening manner of interaction.
At the core of the idea of circle consciousness is the interpretation of Miriam's song from the Hassidic commentator the Meor V'Shemesh. Basing his writings on Kabbalistic principles, he points out that Miriam and the women were able to access a higher state of consciousness than Moses, history's greatest prophet. (See the file above - circledance.pdf - from Sarah Yehudit Schneider - for a full description of the Meor V'Shemesh's perspective and its Kabbalistic underpinings. Abunant thanks to Sarah Yehudit for making these important sources readily available!)
First the verses:
כ וַתִּקַּח מִרְיָם הַנְּבִיאָה אֲחוֹת אַהֲרֹן, אֶת-הַתֹּף--בְּיָדָהּ; וַתֵּצֶאןָ כָל-הַנָּשִׁים אַחֲרֶיהָ, בְּתֻפִּים וּבִמְחֹלֹת.
20 And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with circle dances.
כא וַתַּעַן לָהֶם, מִרְיָם: שִׁירוּ לַיהוָה כִּי-גָאֹה גָּאָה, סוּס וְרֹכְבוֹ רָמָה בַיָּם. {ס}
21 And Miriam answered them: Sing to the LORD, for He is highly exalted: the horse and his rider He has thrown into the sea.
Talking Tools:
1. PRESENT TENSE – Miriam’s song is in present tense. As the Meor V’shemesh shares, this is one reason Miriam’s song represents a higher state of consciousness than Moshe’s future orientated song. Be in the present during interactions. Avoid thinking about what you are going to say next. Rather be present to what is.
- Talking tip for staying present: Speak for yourself. Notice any tendencies to make statements that are impersonal and generic rather than personal and specific. We often insert the word ‘you’ or ‘people’ instead of ‘I’. This simple difference creates a distancing or removal of self. For example, a common generalization might be, “People get defensive when they get constructive criticism.” The invitation would be to say, “I get defensive when I get constructive criticism.” Notice the felt difference between each statement.
- Body tip for staying present: Breath. When we feel emotional or physical pain, one of our faulty coping mechanisms is fast shallow breathing. We want to move out of the present pain-saturated moment to the next moment, where we hope our pain will be relieved. So we speed up our breathing in an effort to escape. And yet this just intensifies our discomfort and anxiety, for it is breathing which relaxes and oxygenates our bodies. When we breathe in to the pain rather than race out of it, then the pain is naturally released.
2. EQUALITY – Circles are non-hierarchical. Everyone is equidistance from the center. Here are some talking tips for engendering a sense of equality in interactions.
a. When responding to another use “I feel statements”. You and you alone are the expert on what you feel. Not “I feel THAT you do x”…but rather, “I feel x (insert an emotion) when you do y.”
b. Here’s a piece of advice, “No advice giving!” – Don’t ‘should’ all over the other person! If you do have an insight to share or if advice is solicited, offer it from a place of “in my experience”. When you give advice you use your strength to suggest how someone should direct themselves. When you reflect and question another, on the other hand, you allow that person to connect with their own strength.
c. Socratic Method - Curiosity is key. If there is an insight that you want to share, ask a question that leads the other to come up with it on their own. Or say it in a way that doesn’t presume that it’s true.
d. Egalitarian Tools/Formulas: “I’m curious about…” “What I’m hearing is x…is that right?” “How does that sit with you?” “I wanted to check this out with you.” “What I was hearing underneath that is x…I’m curious if that was just my own thinking or whether that might be relevant to you…”
e. Check back with the speaker to see how what you’re saying sits with them.
3. MIRRORING – Miriam’s song simply repeats that which Moshe had just sung. She ‘mirrors’ what he said. Reflective listening is a powerful tool of circle consciousness.
a. Formula: “What I hear you saying is x.” Or, “Can I reflect back to you what I heard you say?”
b. Summarizing & Deepening
c. Mirror back with the same energy level and intonation
4. CHALLENGING MATERIAL – In the little that Miriam does sing is included the fact that “horse and rider He threw into sea”. Her terse description includes the darker truth of the triumph - that it entailed death. She does not shy away from these harsher facts but recognizes them. In circle consciousness one of our goals is to speak to the truth of our interactions and our perceptions of each other – even and especially when it is challenging. Our goal is to find the most productive and authentic way to talk about the darker material. When we are able to address the sometimes harsher truths in a loving way it paradoxically creates more light and more intimacy. Careful, this takes care & precision and is best done in a mediated environment.
5. AND, not BUT – Here is a tool to touch on those darker truths. - Notice how both of the 2 verses above begin with a vav. (Moshe’s song on the other hand begins with an aleph.) The vav can either mean ‘and’ or ‘but’…here they clearly mean ‘and’. Whenever you are tempted to say ‘but’, remember the dual meaning of the vav and retrain yourself to say ‘and’ instead. It is a practice in holding paradox. It generates much less defensiveness in the listener & creates more openness to receiving what you have to share. (For example, “I feel really interested in what you’re saying, AND when you say it in a quiet muffled voice I have a hard time listening and concentrating on your words.”) The goal is to share in a way that the listener can best receive and benefit from what we are saying.
6. SUPPORTIVE – The circle is essentially a supportive figure. The circle holds. The circular letter samech shares its root with ‘somech’, supported. Strive to maintain an attitude of empathy, warmth & unconditional positive regard for the other.
7. RESPONSIVE – “And Miriam answered them…” Be responsive, communicative, interactive, take the risk of responding to what someone else says. Growth happens through the care of responsiveness.
8. CONCISE - When sharing, strive to be terse. Moshe’s Song at the Sea is 19 verses…Miriam’s is one verse, 9 words long. Avoid unnecessary details.
9. DEPTH – Aim for depth not breadth. The line goes somewhere, covers ground, has breadth. The circles job is to simply circle, sinking deeper in with each revolution
10. EMUNA - Have faith in the process. The women brought their drums out of Egypt with them because they had faith that they would have cause to celebrate. When you come to a place of doubt, remember that this is part of the unfolding of G-d’s plan.
11. CREATIVITY – Note that omanut/creativity has the same root as emunah/faith. The women danced, played drums, sang, channeled. Be creative/expressive/bold.
12. ANAVUT – Humility. Miriam was humble. She went after Moshe. She didn’t push in front of Moshe, nor did she silence herself. She waited, and when it was her time to sing, she did not hold back! Anavut is about occupying the space that is yours. Hold the mantra of “No more than my space, no less than my place.” It is not humble to seep over into another’s space. Nor is it humble to shrink away from your rightful place. Know what is your appropriate ‘size’ in any given setting. Recall humble Hillel’s famous phrase as he circle danced at Simchat Beit Hashoeva, “If I’m here, all is here.” If you are present and fill out your rightful space, others will be able to do the same. Strike the right balance...not too big, not too small.
13. INCLUSIVITY – “kol hanashim - ALL the women went out with her." Circle consciousness creates an environment of inclusivity. If someone in the group is looking alienated, have the guts and caring to ask them why. If you yourself are feeling alienated, think about why & have the guts and caring to share it. Ask yourself what can I do to partake in the group more or facilitate someone else’s participation?
14. LEADERSHIP – “and the women followed after her – ahareha”. Whereas Miriam went after Moshe, the text explicitly shares that the women went after Miriam. It is amply clear that Miriam is the leader here. There is often a tension between the core circle idea of ‘equality’, and the fact that the group genuinely benefits from a leader/facilitator. One of the pitfalls of circle consciousness is what is called in feminist literature the “Tyranny of Structurelessness”, where the leaderless group simply circles in a way that can be clunky or unproductive. The presence of the facilitator allows for the beneficial integration of line consciousness within the circle. There is an image in the Gemara of the tzadikim doing a circle dance where they are all pointing (making lines) to the middle. This image of a line held within a circle is one of our goals.
15. SPEAKING FACE TO FACE, not behind the back – Another famous Miriam story in the Torah is when Miriam speaks to Aaron about Moshe's relationship with his wife. Miriam is immediately struck with tzaarat, lashon-harah-generated leprosy. If Miriam is indeed our archetype of how to communicate with sensitivity, then we can equally learn from her communication faux-pas. What stands out in this case is that Miriam chose to speak to Aaron, instead of going directly to Moshe with her issue. Quite often, when we avoid communicating directly with someone about an issue we are having with them, then we are drawn to talking about that person with a third party – a slippery slope to lashon harah (evil speech). Much of the time we do this out of a fear of not knowing how to broach sensitive topics with others. And yet, a direct approach is often precisely the best way to deal with sensitive topics.
This circle space offers us the opportunity to work on direct face to face communication around sensitive topics. We are then able to take our well-practiced skills into our relationships outside of the circle. So, use the group as a space to tackle the more challenging material you have with others. In the end, the direct communication most often generates greater intimacy and understanding.
16. NAME, YEUD and RELATIONSHIPS – “Miriam haneviya, ahot aharon. Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aharon.” This is the first time that Miriam’s name appears in the Torah. Something about being in the circle allowed for the fullness of her being, her name, to become actualized. This ‘nameness’ is connected to her calling and work in the world, her role as prophetess. It is also connected to her relationships. Circle work offers a forum for expressing one’s fullest being, for manifesting one’s yeud, one’s calling. It happens through being in relationship with another. We access yeud (calling) through edut & edah (witnessing & community). Plus it happens through being an ahot, a sister. Fostering that sense of sisterhood that allows us to actualize our life’s calling is at the core of our work together.
These tools are built from a unique synthesis of Torah and psychology. They guide us in how to communicate with "circle consciousness"; a sensitive, enlightened and enlightening manner of interaction.
At the core of the idea of circle consciousness is the interpretation of Miriam's song from the Hassidic commentator the Meor V'Shemesh. Basing his writings on Kabbalistic principles, he points out that Miriam and the women were able to access a higher state of consciousness than Moses, history's greatest prophet. (See the file above - circledance.pdf - from Sarah Yehudit Schneider - for a full description of the Meor V'Shemesh's perspective and its Kabbalistic underpinings. Abunant thanks to Sarah Yehudit for making these important sources readily available!)
First the verses:
כ וַתִּקַּח מִרְיָם הַנְּבִיאָה אֲחוֹת אַהֲרֹן, אֶת-הַתֹּף--בְּיָדָהּ; וַתֵּצֶאןָ כָל-הַנָּשִׁים אַחֲרֶיהָ, בְּתֻפִּים וּבִמְחֹלֹת.
20 And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with circle dances.
כא וַתַּעַן לָהֶם, מִרְיָם: שִׁירוּ לַיהוָה כִּי-גָאֹה גָּאָה, סוּס וְרֹכְבוֹ רָמָה בַיָּם. {ס}
21 And Miriam answered them: Sing to the LORD, for He is highly exalted: the horse and his rider He has thrown into the sea.
Talking Tools:
1. PRESENT TENSE – Miriam’s song is in present tense. As the Meor V’shemesh shares, this is one reason Miriam’s song represents a higher state of consciousness than Moshe’s future orientated song. Be in the present during interactions. Avoid thinking about what you are going to say next. Rather be present to what is.
- Talking tip for staying present: Speak for yourself. Notice any tendencies to make statements that are impersonal and generic rather than personal and specific. We often insert the word ‘you’ or ‘people’ instead of ‘I’. This simple difference creates a distancing or removal of self. For example, a common generalization might be, “People get defensive when they get constructive criticism.” The invitation would be to say, “I get defensive when I get constructive criticism.” Notice the felt difference between each statement.
- Body tip for staying present: Breath. When we feel emotional or physical pain, one of our faulty coping mechanisms is fast shallow breathing. We want to move out of the present pain-saturated moment to the next moment, where we hope our pain will be relieved. So we speed up our breathing in an effort to escape. And yet this just intensifies our discomfort and anxiety, for it is breathing which relaxes and oxygenates our bodies. When we breathe in to the pain rather than race out of it, then the pain is naturally released.
2. EQUALITY – Circles are non-hierarchical. Everyone is equidistance from the center. Here are some talking tips for engendering a sense of equality in interactions.
a. When responding to another use “I feel statements”. You and you alone are the expert on what you feel. Not “I feel THAT you do x”…but rather, “I feel x (insert an emotion) when you do y.”
b. Here’s a piece of advice, “No advice giving!” – Don’t ‘should’ all over the other person! If you do have an insight to share or if advice is solicited, offer it from a place of “in my experience”. When you give advice you use your strength to suggest how someone should direct themselves. When you reflect and question another, on the other hand, you allow that person to connect with their own strength.
c. Socratic Method - Curiosity is key. If there is an insight that you want to share, ask a question that leads the other to come up with it on their own. Or say it in a way that doesn’t presume that it’s true.
d. Egalitarian Tools/Formulas: “I’m curious about…” “What I’m hearing is x…is that right?” “How does that sit with you?” “I wanted to check this out with you.” “What I was hearing underneath that is x…I’m curious if that was just my own thinking or whether that might be relevant to you…”
e. Check back with the speaker to see how what you’re saying sits with them.
3. MIRRORING – Miriam’s song simply repeats that which Moshe had just sung. She ‘mirrors’ what he said. Reflective listening is a powerful tool of circle consciousness.
a. Formula: “What I hear you saying is x.” Or, “Can I reflect back to you what I heard you say?”
b. Summarizing & Deepening
c. Mirror back with the same energy level and intonation
4. CHALLENGING MATERIAL – In the little that Miriam does sing is included the fact that “horse and rider He threw into sea”. Her terse description includes the darker truth of the triumph - that it entailed death. She does not shy away from these harsher facts but recognizes them. In circle consciousness one of our goals is to speak to the truth of our interactions and our perceptions of each other – even and especially when it is challenging. Our goal is to find the most productive and authentic way to talk about the darker material. When we are able to address the sometimes harsher truths in a loving way it paradoxically creates more light and more intimacy. Careful, this takes care & precision and is best done in a mediated environment.
5. AND, not BUT – Here is a tool to touch on those darker truths. - Notice how both of the 2 verses above begin with a vav. (Moshe’s song on the other hand begins with an aleph.) The vav can either mean ‘and’ or ‘but’…here they clearly mean ‘and’. Whenever you are tempted to say ‘but’, remember the dual meaning of the vav and retrain yourself to say ‘and’ instead. It is a practice in holding paradox. It generates much less defensiveness in the listener & creates more openness to receiving what you have to share. (For example, “I feel really interested in what you’re saying, AND when you say it in a quiet muffled voice I have a hard time listening and concentrating on your words.”) The goal is to share in a way that the listener can best receive and benefit from what we are saying.
6. SUPPORTIVE – The circle is essentially a supportive figure. The circle holds. The circular letter samech shares its root with ‘somech’, supported. Strive to maintain an attitude of empathy, warmth & unconditional positive regard for the other.
7. RESPONSIVE – “And Miriam answered them…” Be responsive, communicative, interactive, take the risk of responding to what someone else says. Growth happens through the care of responsiveness.
8. CONCISE - When sharing, strive to be terse. Moshe’s Song at the Sea is 19 verses…Miriam’s is one verse, 9 words long. Avoid unnecessary details.
9. DEPTH – Aim for depth not breadth. The line goes somewhere, covers ground, has breadth. The circles job is to simply circle, sinking deeper in with each revolution
10. EMUNA - Have faith in the process. The women brought their drums out of Egypt with them because they had faith that they would have cause to celebrate. When you come to a place of doubt, remember that this is part of the unfolding of G-d’s plan.
11. CREATIVITY – Note that omanut/creativity has the same root as emunah/faith. The women danced, played drums, sang, channeled. Be creative/expressive/bold.
12. ANAVUT – Humility. Miriam was humble. She went after Moshe. She didn’t push in front of Moshe, nor did she silence herself. She waited, and when it was her time to sing, she did not hold back! Anavut is about occupying the space that is yours. Hold the mantra of “No more than my space, no less than my place.” It is not humble to seep over into another’s space. Nor is it humble to shrink away from your rightful place. Know what is your appropriate ‘size’ in any given setting. Recall humble Hillel’s famous phrase as he circle danced at Simchat Beit Hashoeva, “If I’m here, all is here.” If you are present and fill out your rightful space, others will be able to do the same. Strike the right balance...not too big, not too small.
13. INCLUSIVITY – “kol hanashim - ALL the women went out with her." Circle consciousness creates an environment of inclusivity. If someone in the group is looking alienated, have the guts and caring to ask them why. If you yourself are feeling alienated, think about why & have the guts and caring to share it. Ask yourself what can I do to partake in the group more or facilitate someone else’s participation?
14. LEADERSHIP – “and the women followed after her – ahareha”. Whereas Miriam went after Moshe, the text explicitly shares that the women went after Miriam. It is amply clear that Miriam is the leader here. There is often a tension between the core circle idea of ‘equality’, and the fact that the group genuinely benefits from a leader/facilitator. One of the pitfalls of circle consciousness is what is called in feminist literature the “Tyranny of Structurelessness”, where the leaderless group simply circles in a way that can be clunky or unproductive. The presence of the facilitator allows for the beneficial integration of line consciousness within the circle. There is an image in the Gemara of the tzadikim doing a circle dance where they are all pointing (making lines) to the middle. This image of a line held within a circle is one of our goals.
15. SPEAKING FACE TO FACE, not behind the back – Another famous Miriam story in the Torah is when Miriam speaks to Aaron about Moshe's relationship with his wife. Miriam is immediately struck with tzaarat, lashon-harah-generated leprosy. If Miriam is indeed our archetype of how to communicate with sensitivity, then we can equally learn from her communication faux-pas. What stands out in this case is that Miriam chose to speak to Aaron, instead of going directly to Moshe with her issue. Quite often, when we avoid communicating directly with someone about an issue we are having with them, then we are drawn to talking about that person with a third party – a slippery slope to lashon harah (evil speech). Much of the time we do this out of a fear of not knowing how to broach sensitive topics with others. And yet, a direct approach is often precisely the best way to deal with sensitive topics.
This circle space offers us the opportunity to work on direct face to face communication around sensitive topics. We are then able to take our well-practiced skills into our relationships outside of the circle. So, use the group as a space to tackle the more challenging material you have with others. In the end, the direct communication most often generates greater intimacy and understanding.
16. NAME, YEUD and RELATIONSHIPS – “Miriam haneviya, ahot aharon. Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aharon.” This is the first time that Miriam’s name appears in the Torah. Something about being in the circle allowed for the fullness of her being, her name, to become actualized. This ‘nameness’ is connected to her calling and work in the world, her role as prophetess. It is also connected to her relationships. Circle work offers a forum for expressing one’s fullest being, for manifesting one’s yeud, one’s calling. It happens through being in relationship with another. We access yeud (calling) through edut & edah (witnessing & community). Plus it happens through being an ahot, a sister. Fostering that sense of sisterhood that allows us to actualize our life’s calling is at the core of our work together.